Wednesday, July 13, 2005

All Star Break

Honestly, I only watched the game until it got to be about 5-0, then I started watching Le Tour, then I played PlayStation. Once Colon had pitched, and Vlad had failed to hit, and Anderson had failed to hit, I kind of lost interest. Buy yay American League. Home field advantage if the Angels miraculously reach the world series (let alone the post-season).

So I'm gonna take this time to ask a couple of movie questions that have been bugging me:

1) I was watching Top Gun the other night, which is seemingly always on a cable station somewhere, and there's a part that I've never understood. In their first dogfight at the school, they refer to a hard-deck of 10,000 feet, under which engagement is not allowed (presumably for safety reasons). But first, they seem to be doing a hell of a lot of fighting below 10,000 feet. That's the ocean, folks. And they seemed to be darn near it, or at least near all of those mountains, which are nowhere close to 10,000 feet high. Second, when he does the "put on the breaks" thing, Jester heads straight for the hard-deck, below which they nail him. Isn't heading for the hard-deck cheating by Jester? That dude was a total liar. Tom Skerrit's character says "commander Heatherly lost sight of you and called no joy" (I looked this up). That's bullshit. He knew where he was the whole time. This isn't a game of tag where there's a 'safe' zone. What a dick.

2) I was watching "The Girl Next Door" last night, because, ya know, porn stars, and I had a few issues with the burglary scene. First, while the guy's (James Remar's character) house was nice, it wasn't what I'd expect of someone who was at the top of the porn industry food chain. Second, where did these people live? Obviously somewhere in SoCal, because, ya know, porn industry, but it sure didn't look like the Valley. Third, what kind of major porn king pin is going to be sleeping at home by himself, as in, not surrounded by chicks trying to break into the porn industry? Otherwise, what't the point (besides the money, I mean). And finally, this has nothing to do with the burglary, but are there that many SoCal kids that are that gung ho about going to Georgetown? Not saying it's impossible. Just saying it's unlikely. Maybe during the Patrick Ewing days, when everyone and their brother was wearing Georgetown gear, but whatever.

Anyway, baseball tomorrow.


Anonymous said...

I'm glad to see you are pondering life's truly important issues in your free time.

The Chronicler said...

There are a host of plot problems with [i]The Girl Next Door[/i].

You describe the locale very well. It's (1) not Los Angeles, (2) close to the beach, and (3) within driving distance of Las Vegas. But they are never clear about it ... maybe San Diego or something?

The biggest plot hole comes at the end, when they're shooting the "porno," and the main kid is forced with the decision of shooting the scene or not. Now, in the moment, it's completely unbelievable that he would shoot a sex scene with a girl who wasn't Elisha Cuthbert. But he decides to, but, before it starts, he has a fantasy of getting caught by the principal. So he doesn't do it, and Kuntz does instead.

But later we learn that it's not a porno scene at all, it's an instructive scene on how to put on a condom. And Kuntz does it with a mask on, so his identity is protected. Once we learn that shooting the scene would (1) not have been cheating on Elisha and (2) not something that would have stained the main kid's career by showing his face, there is no reason for him not to shoot the scene.

So it hits a perfecta of (1) not making sense in the moment and (2) not making sense in retrospect.

Then, the fact that the whole video gets edited that night so that Timothy Olyphant can steal it -- WHAT???

It's basically like someone's first draft got shot.

Still, the characters are likeable, so it's watchable.


Seitz said...

Umm, I believe the character's name is Klitz.

And Ty, that's what free time is for, dammit.

The Chronicler said...

Kuntz. Klitz. Whatever.

Anonymous said...

Did your playstation break or something?

Seitz said...

No. Did I imply that it had?